I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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