I just pynch a tree in the face
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
