Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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