If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
