The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
