i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
