the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
