why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
