I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
