Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
