She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
