How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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