we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
