I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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