I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
