What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
