why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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