It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
