I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
