Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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