google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
