you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize