so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
