he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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