I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize