In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
