so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
