it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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