Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
