butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
