turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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