tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
