omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
