areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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