Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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