ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
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It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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