I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
