i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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