how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
