I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
