mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
