She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
