It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
