I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
