My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
