Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize