yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
