Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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