I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
