As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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