dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
