I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
