i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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