Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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