I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Randomize
