I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
