i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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