Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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