I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I checked into jail on foursquare
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize