So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he shaved USA in his pubs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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