im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
