I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
