If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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