Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
