I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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