Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
