you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
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I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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