oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
