CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
