Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
