It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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