Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
