I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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