Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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