So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
