6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
