remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
