id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
