Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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